this car climbed mt. washington - 03-05-02

real life has overtaken me. not in a bad way, really, but in a thoroughgoing way. i'm working and paying bills and cooking meals. nights like tonight, when i have the house to myself and no obligations... nothing. i sit in my room. really just sit. i get up and stand in the kitchen. return to my room... nothing. i sink down to that place where i sometimes find my voice, i rise up hoping to have brought something back for you, something to say but... nothing.

i should see a doctor (i don't have a lot of energy lately).

i should see a dentist (my gums are receding).

i should see a barber (i have the worst haircut right now).

instead i'll spend my time in bookstores, record stores, coffeeshops. fighting off that lost feeling. or really just dwelling in it, if i stop to think about it. but dwelling in it to do battle with it, to face it down and be done with it. instead of lugging it around all my life.